Coping with Stress

How do you cope with stress?

Let me rephrase: do you cope with it, or you let Stress overwhelm you?

If you are stressed at work, would you talk to that colleague you just had an argument with, or to HR…  or would  simply let the stress grow bigegr and bigger, like and inflated ballon,  until you explode?

I did. I did let it grow, and I exploded.
I did let it grow, and I ended up in burn out.
If only I knew that the only thing I needed was to vent it out! To talk about it!

It all happened a few years ago. I was underpaid for a very stressful job in a fast paced environment. I had the responisbility of the entire office, and the paycheck was that of a standard secretary. I talked, I vented, I talked about what was happening to me but I did not make any step in the right directon.
I talk to friends, who supported me and whom I trusted, but I did not speak to my boss.
I had so little self confidence that I would accept any money, undervaluing my skills, expertise and time.
I would say I was very grateful for the job,  but I was only lacking self esteem and confidence, hence I allowed them to undervalue me as much I was undervaluing myself.
I did not speak to them, instead I started playing victim.
That led me nowhere but to be sick in health, and I quit as soon as I could.

Please, talk and vent it out.

It is important to talk to yourself, write it down in your diary/notepad/phone/computer.
Talk to yourself in front of a mirror.

It is also vital that you talk to someone you trust about it.

You do not have to say what’s happening, what is happening is irrelevant.
What is important is How you Feel  and how you are reacting to a certain event, and why you end up stressed.

Express your emotions, release them… and let them go.

And now, my little secrets…This is what I now do when I am stressed!

-Write a Gratitude Journal at the end of your day, and say three things I am grateful for that specific day
-Go for a walk, if possible at the river, at the beach or in a wood
-Practice some Kick Boxing
-Vent it out
-Meditate
-Cry in front of the mirror
-Express my feelings through Art, Music.
and Let it go..

 

I am happy to guide you, if you wish me to.
I am no one to judge, I am someone to share you journey with.

a 45 minute consultation with me

 We can meet online (Zoom or Whatsapp video call) or in person, in Grand Canal in Dublin: we will grab a coffee and sit on a bench, keeping social distancing and wearing a mask (bring it if you have one!).
This meeting is a safe place: no one is here to judge. You can talk to me about anything and you can rest reassured that anything you say will stay between us.

I will briefly introduce myself, then  we will start talking about you, your history, what your concerns are, what your goals are and how we can work together.

If you do not have a goal, but you have a vague idea about what you want to achieve, we will work together to tailor a S.M.A.R.T.  and the resources you would need.

Within 24 hours, I will send you an email with some homework:  just complete them and return them to me within 4 days.
This will give you more clarity on what to do and then we can discuss how to proceed together.

I am here to listen to you, to work together with you. I a
m your ally and your guide.
I am more than happy to guide you through this journey towards a healthier and happier you.

Let’s talk about.. Fear of Change

Whilst at the beginning of a weight loss journey, a career-change path, or simply on a random day when we have to face something knew,  fear comes in handy.

Yes, handy!
Your gremlin comes in handy too, since it tries to protect you/prevent you from getting out of your comfort zone..  and feel discomfort.

Getting out of your comfort zone it is no easy,  it can be very exciting and challenging  but
you can’t really expect yourself to jump from FEAR to JOY can you ?

What is FEAR ?
According to Dr Robert Arloski, FEAR  is  the need for safety and it is not rational.
FEAR simply stand for  False Evidence Appearing Real.

So let’s think about  your weight loss journey: you go to see a nutritionist, you are given a structured diet and you are expected to follow it by heart.
It sounds easy in theory, cool on paper..but what happenes next?
You are all excited!  Then you go home and start freaking out: Oh My, what If I do not find broccoli? What if I do not fancy this or that? What If I do not lose wieght?What if I fail? What if I lose then I cheat and gain it back? 
Maybe you start all well motivated, with a gigantic ace card(willpower)in your pockets. You lose the first pounds/kilos, then you plateau- which is, by the way, normal as it’s you body showing you that hey, the diet is working, I just need to get used to this new shape! Bare with me and I will lose more!

All the above questions, I asked them myself.
I was so scared  about anything that fear became  my life companion, my best friend: fear of failing, fear of not losing weight, fear of getting sick etc.  While I was fearing the very air I was breathing (What if it’s too polluted?),  I was the one holding myself back. That was whenI understood that willpower is not enough. I needed a coach, I found one, I got over Fear.
I also understood that Fear was just there to protect me, to let me know that my comfort zone was there to rock my soul and confort me… the reality was: I had had enough and I wanted more!

I started pushing slowly, step by step, myself out of the zone.
I tried different food (healthier). I climbed a hill. I ran down the hill (literally). I hired a personal Trainer. I started Boxing.
I cut my hair, I got rid of old clothes, I also decided I wanted to change career.

Weight loss happened: of course I followed (and still follow) a diet, but only whenI found the right diet for me (I changed doctor); I exercised too, 4 to 5 days a week. I also started living a more active lifestyle. I turned my Unhealthy Distractions  into Healthy ones.

I decided to be centered, to care about my mental, physical and emotional wellbeing.
And I want to help you doing the same.

 

Don’t Minimise Yourself (Engl/IT)

I  often have to remind myself  not to minimize situations, not to minimize myself.

I must remember to look back, at  my past right and wrong choices, and remember that they are what makes me the woman I am.
And I must, but above all I WANT, be proud of who I am.

 I  often have to remember that all the suffering and the NOs given by life, only serve us to grow; there is always a reason why some things happen to us and not to others:  to make us grow.
It is entirely up to ourselves to give the right value to things, events and also to the people around us: you can’t get along with everyone, but you can respect everyone.

Remember to respect yourself first and  toalways be the first person to recognize your ownvalue, but be humble enough not to flatter yourself too much!

 

NON MINIMIZZARTI!

 

Spesso devo ricordare a me stessa di non minimizzare le situazioni, di non minimizzare me stessa.
Devo ricordarmi di guardare indietro, alle scelte giuste e sbagliate del passato, ricordare che fanno tutte parte di me e mi rendono la Donna che sono.
E di ciò che sono, DEVO  ma soprattutto VOGLIO essere fiera

Spesso devo ricordarmi che le sofferenza e i NO, dati dalla vita, servono a crescere e c’è sempre un motivo per cui alcune cose accadono proprio a noi e non ad altri: sta a noi dare il giusto valore alle cose, agli eventi e, perché no, anche alle persone che ci circondano: non si può andare d’accordo con tutti, ma rispettare tutti Si.

Rispetta pero’ prima te stesso, Sii la prima persona a riconoscere il tuo valore ed esaltalo sii umile abbastanza da non Tirartela 😂❤️❤️❤️💪

 

ps: This post has been published on Instagram too, please follow my page @robertamurronireal

when life gives you a lemon.. Avoid Zika virus and do not get pregnant!

Well, there’s no such a bad thing but ignorance! Oh ignorance, you will destroy us!

We are thinking about having a baby. I am almost 37 and he is 30.
I said: let’s wait summer until we can try to conceive.
He said : no, let’s do it while in Thailand!

That would have been lovely, but the risk of Zika Virus is too high.
I did some research:

  • if you are pregnant, avoid traveling to Zika infested countries
  • if you are trying to conceive, do not get pregnant until at least 3 months after you are back, if you are a woman. If you are a man, use condom for up to six months after you travel to Zika Infested zones because your semen can actually transmit the disease.
  • If you have zika-alike symptoms, you can run some blood tests up to 7 days AFTER experiencing the first symptoms. So you would know if you got the Zika or not and if you can conceive.
  • Some people do not show symptoms of Zika virus although they have contracted the virus!
  • If one of the two of us got Zika and 100% sure, has to use protection during sex and avoid for about 6 months anyway

My initial thought was: let’s wait until august, he was adamant to try during the holidays but then..well, now!
We will have to wait way after our holidays.

I  got discouraged.
Should I take the risk ?Should I conceive BEFORE going on holiday ? (WTF!)

No. I am already 36 years old and the chances to conceive an unhealthy baby are already quite high. Do not get me wrong, pregnancy is a blessing and most women can get pregnant;to be frank., I am not even sure I will get pregnant..but this is the reality and there’s no space for naivety here.
We are a young(-ish) couple of immigrants with no family support as our families leave abroad. I would not have grandparents picking the kids  from school, or bringing them to the doctor or staying home with them when they get sick. We will have to deal with that by ourselves.W
e will both need to work, although we have good jobs and our salaries together are good, we will be alone. So no, taking a risk is a NO.

All considering, we have decided  to wait until October before trying.
I have 8 more months to lose weight, take care of myself inside and out and create a healthy environment for a new creature, nature’s will.
More months to save money, to clean clutter, to organize ourselves and affirm our career positions before welcoming our baby into this world (considering all going well).

 

What are your thoughts?